I haven’t posted for a while. I was waiting for a transformation to happen. I planned to go away, try a bit of meditation and come back a couple of weeks later to tell you that yes, it really can change your life. Alas, my life remains unchanged. My insomnia hasn’t gone anywhere. Over the last three months or so I’ve failed magnificently to fit meditation into my life.
I had really good intentions. I mean I looked stuff up on YouTube and downloaded the much hailed Headspace app and everything. But I only tried it a couple of times. The problem was it made me fall asleep. As an insomniac I really shouldn’t have a problem with this, you might think. But getting to sleep isn’t really my problem. Staying asleep is. And if I can’t stay awake long enough to complete a meditation exercise, I tend to think it’s probably not providing the long-term, life-changing benefits that meditation is supposed to bring: improved sleep, a general uplift in well-being and the ability to remain calm and focussed during turbulent times, or when listening to Jacob Rees-Mogg. That’s what I’m aiming for.
Trying meditation at any other point in the day just doesn’t feel like an option for me. I think it’s unlikely I’ll find my quiet space while trying in vain to block out the Peppa Pig theme tune or racing between work and nursery. I take my hat off to any commuter who can meditate successfully on the train – one of many suggestions I’ve read about how to fit meditation into a busy life – but the fear of falling asleep and (a) snoring (b) dribbling or (c) ending up in Milton Keynes prevents me from giving this a whirl myself.
So I won’t be turning into one of those meditation evangelists anytime soon. One day, I hope I can find the space in my life to give it a proper try. But for now I think I’m going to be accepting of the fact I have failed to meditate. I’m going to bring my attention to that thought for a moment, acknowledge how it makes me feel and then let it go.
I’d love to hear from busy insomniacs who have managed to fit in some meditation. Has it helped you? Do you think it’s worth me having another go? I’d love to read your comments below.
Thanks for reading.